How To Be Your Own Damn Valentine
How to be your own damn valentine so that you can take time to love yourself and do what you love to do.
This topic came about when I was speaking to a VP in the finance arena, and we were sharing our path and drawing those boundaries in to make sure you had time for your personal life.
What I had shared with her is what I want to share with you now, which is when you are in corporate and in consulting, it’s very similar. You have huge demands.
QUESTIONS THAT ARE ANSWERED IN THIS PODCAST
[3:00] How to set boundaries
[4:00] Do what you love
[5:00] Be the person you want to be
[5:44] How to love yourself
Setting Boundaries
Part of your success is because you have been there, and part of your success is because you have let the boundaries bleed between your personal time and your work time.
I’m not sure where it started for me. I’m not sure why I just started to do it, but oftentimes, when you’re traveling, you tend to work a lot later because you have nothing else to do.
Well, about five or six years ago, I decided to stop that. I decided that as I was at a client one day, and I was arranging meetings, and the client said, “Oh, we have to do that meeting by,” what it was, “Like 4:30 because I need to leave at 5:00 exactly to hop on the train or to leave and get my child at Day Care,” or have another commitment.
It was totally acceptable, but I realized that I was not doing that in my life. I was not making those boundaries really clear and stopping when I should. I’ve also seen this and heard this from other women leaders, that they will tend to work until 5:00 or 6:00. Then, when everybody leaves and goes home, then that’s when you get the work done. That’s bleeding up the boundaries.
I bring this up because bleeding of the work boundaries filters into your personal life, and so being your own damn Valentine is being all about you, loving yourself and doing those things that you want to do.
It’s about doing them in two specific areas.
I call them the Do and the Be.
1. Do
Do is do what you love. Go back to a hobby or something that you’re interested in or you might be interested in now that’s new, but take that time.
The only way you’re going to be able to take that time is to set those boundaries and be really clear. Now, the first time I did it, I felt really guilty. I ended up leaving work at 6 o’clock, and I did not go back to work at the hotel.
I felt guilty.
I just had to stick to my guns and keep doing it, and keep doing it. Then, guess what? The behavior was accepted by my colleagues. They said, “Oh, no. She leaves at 6 o’clock,” so they worked around it. It was amazing how that turned out.
That freedom that I had, that free time allowed me to start pursuing the things that I wanted to pursue. Even if I was on the road and I would get back to the hotel, I could choose to do it, to spend the time, however, I wanted to, right? Now that I don’t travel as much, I still keep those boundaries in place.
What will you do to be your own Damn Valentine?
At 6 o’clock, I pretty much leave work, and I get to work from home quite a bit. I stand up from the desk, and I go into the rest of the house, and that’s my mode to switch over.
• Husband time
• Workout time
• Creativity time
• Dinner time
• Social time
It’s the boundaries that I set that I want to follow to do.
I’ve done some really interesting things, and I want to encourage you to get back to maybe that creative side or that social side that you haven’t been in touch with recently.
I’m sharing with you the few things I’ve done to hopefully inspire you. Not only what I’ve done but some of my friends have done as well.
• Take a mixed media art class that I found on meetup.com.
• Participated in a wine, paint and party, one of those little things with a group of people I didn’t know.
• Become a certified yoga instructor, and there’s a certain curriculum that you have to do and follow. She’s loved yoga, but she decided to pursue it in her free time because she was able to set the boundaries.
Whatever that is for you, go make time and start leaving work and physically leaving and mentally leaving.
2. Be
The other thing that is your own down valentine allows you to do and love yourself in what you do is what I call Be.
- Be with the people you want to, and be the person that you want to be. Let me explain.
- Life is too short.
- You’re drawing boundaries.
- You want to make sure you have time for your personal life.
That means spending time with people that you enjoy spending time with.
I understand there are times when you can’t make that happen, but you can definitely lessen the time, but this is all about prioritization and boundaries and living the life that you love, right?
Being your own damn valentine, loving yourself, loving your being, loving your doing, so spend the time with the people that you enjoy, and spend more time, right? Sometimes, that means saying no, and that’s okay, you know?
Make sure that you love yourself.
Sometimes, when we work too much, we tend to get wrapped up in work and forget about the things that are important to us and love our self and take care of ourselves.
If that means working on relationships, if that means working on your physical health, working on your mental health, on your spiritual health, ensure that you take that time to be.
It often means putting yourself first, so if you’re married or you have older kids, make sure you’re spending the time first. Now that you’re getting older and you are already successful in your career, it’s time to reprioritize everything because the happier and healthy you are, it will roll over into other aspects of your life.
My husband and I really don’t celebrate these Valentine’s Days or these other Hallmark holidays because we tend to do it all day long or all-year long. We look at each other and go, “Happy Valentine’s.” Well, we really enjoy sharing our love with each other on a daily basis.
I wish that same for you. I wish that you get to do and be everything that you love on a daily basis, so it’s a continuous celebration. That’s how you be your own damn valentine. You don’t need to wait around for Valentine’s Day.
Next Steps: To Be Your Own Damn Valentine
- The action item that would be really helpful is to pick one area that you want to work on, so either the Be or the Do.
- Then, just pick one of those items and concentrate on that for the next five days. If you like the results, then continue for another five.
- If you still like the results, keep going and start building it into your daily routine.
Show Notes Link
To get the show notes for this episode and that little phrase, please go to http://kimdsnyder.com/008. Thank you for listening to this episode.
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